5 notes

my intake after this.

saturday: nothing, tried to eat outback ,ordered a steak, a potato and a ceasar salad. ate one bite of steak, a couple bites of salad, then couldn’t keep it down.

sunday: nothing.

monday: half a cup of broccoli cheddar soup from panera and a couple nibbles of bread 

tuesday: attempted to eat a ceasar salad and mashed potatoes from tgi fridays, ate two bites of mashed potatoes and some chicken off my salad.

wednesday: nothing.

i’ve lost 13 pounds since saturday. heartbreak sucks.  

2 notes

So much drama while tumblr was down, of course.

My ex and I officially don’t have contact..sorta. He started hanging out with an immature high school bitch who is fugly, and ugh, whatever, even though he said we could still work on it, if you’ve been following me I’m sure you’ve seen my posts about it. Well, they went out on a date and yesterday they hung out. Her status that afternoon was “Had such an awesome day with Brian! :D Crazy Bitch, Rockband, Car Troubles…(insert more arbitrary lame stuff here)” Then in her comments she wrote, “So suck on that Meagan” . Like seriously, this just proves how immature this girl is. She’s a junior in High School, and acts just like it. I hadn’t talked to him in about 24 hours, and actually went to a Therapist today as this is really tearing me up, I haven’t eaten in about 48 hours, nothing more than a half cup of soup from Panera and a couple nibbles of bread, and then shortly after I got sick, I can’t keep food down, I can’t eat…on the plus side I’ve lost about 10 lbs because of this. (Just kidding, I hate this, I don’t care about the weight). I sent him an E-Mail today, I tried to be mature about it, I’ll post it.

I shouldn’t talk to you, but I need you to know I still care about you. What you did hurt me, bad. I will never really understand. I don’t even know this Brian. The Brian I know was loving, caring and would never intentionly hurt someone he cared about, or who helped him. I wish we could’ve talked through this. I’m sorry for pushing you away, Lord knows I’d take it all back if I could. Even through all this I never trashed you, I never spoke poorly of you, because I know this isn’t you. I don’t know why you’ve decided to do this to me, to us. I wish we could be civil, not now, I’m too hurt and too upset over your actions, as they are very immature. I hope down the road you may realize what we had was real and awesome, and if I could go back, I would relive and do it all without question or doubt. You made me the happiest I’ve been in a long time, I’d like to think I did the same for you. I’m not going to beg for you back, or try to change your mind, but realize who truly cares about you, who wants to make you happy. I stood by through the tough parts of your life, as you did for me. I do wish it didn’t come to this, there still is no one I want, I’m not searching, and like I’ve said, you still have my heart. If you think what you’re doing is right, that she’ll give you happiness that’s your call, I’m just going to say I put everything I had into this, I loved you with everything I knew how too. I’m sorry for getting jealous, for picking fights. We were making so much progress and I was falling for you all over again. I suppose if its meant to happen it will and I’m sorry for pushing, I should’ve let it happen naturally, if I could take it back I would in a heartbeat. I was so excited for our future, I could see us together for a long time. I’m sorry I’m moving, if I could I wouldnt, but you know my family. I still miss you even though I shouldn’t, I’m sorry for hurting you I never meant too. I hope you aren’t doing this out of spite. If you’re going to reply, please be mature. It doesn’t have to be today. I wont forget you, I hope you wont forget me.

My mom told me this is like a death, a death of a friendship as well as my first real relationship. She said, you’re going to go through the stages of it, as if you’re really dealing with a death. I hope to God I start feeling normal again. 

1 note


Signed my sublease today, registered for classes at Santa Fe. Just got to wait until sub lease goes through and it’s all official, then I’m in Gainesville and outta this bumfuck town called Brandon, Florida.